Wrecked by Grief and Restored by God

This year’s blessings have propelled me to heights of happiness which could be no more welcome after the pits of despair in 2014. Last October I was still reeling from the sudden loss of my father earlier in the year. Almost overnight a suspected rare heart cancer took a healthy man on no medication off the tennis courts and out of our lives forever. In those awful last days I missed an important audition so I could sit at my father’s bedside despite the contrary urging of my sister and mother. My response was simple, “If I’m meant to be on that stage, God will give me the opportunity later.” Everything in life stopped when Dad was gone except comforting my mother and teaching her to live in a world she had never navigated on her own. Fish photThere was little time to work and less time to write, so I watched my bank account plummet. In the meantime amidst the grief, I received constant messages from my tenants leading to one expensive repair after another on my home which they were renting. I continued to live between my mother’s home and that of a friend. I cried more tears than I thought possible holding onto that day when I knew happiness and peace would return. That’s the thing about faith. It’s the life preserver which saves those who have it and the one missing for those I’ve seen drown in the troubled waters of this world. There was a Bible verse posted on my vision board last year which I read almost every day. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Earlier this year I experienced a series of events which I call miracles, precious pearls of the proof of His promise. As each gift came I felt God’s wish for me, as if he was declaring, “I have not forgotten you. This gift is for you and you are worthy.” A play I had written was accepted for a staged reading by a local playwright’s group. My house sold after one day listed on the market. A small, affordable newly renovated condo with a river view appeared on the market. It has become my urban haven and is more “me” than anything I could have conjured up on my own. The theater I was eyeing posted their upcoming season. It included a non-musical comedy which is rarely done; featuring a favorite role I had previously played at the only other theater in town to have ever produced it. Coincidence, some might say, but I think not. In fact, I did not consider what followed as an audition. I went over there and CLAIMED my part. See, it didn’t matter if more talented people showed up or that I didn’t know anyone. It didn’t matter if I had minimal experience or how many people read for the role. I knew this was arranged by God especially for me. All of these above mentioned things flowed into my life as if ordained, consecutively with relative ease. As long as I received them (which I did, of course) I believed it would be impossible to mess it up. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to go play in traffic or anything, but you know what I’m saying. In Peter 5:10 it says, “After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ Himself will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” Sign me up for the latter half of that.  I’m ready.  We can count on the fact that we will have pain in this life and there will always be things outside of our control. We have a choice, however, how we view, face, and manage these things.

sunriseIt’s amazing how quickly things have changed form me in such a short time.  Today I witness my mother, because of her faith, blossoming into a different person as her life transforms into something still unknown but wonderful. She is independent and confident with new friendships. She displays aspects of her personality I’ve never seen. It’s like watching a child play in the ocean for the first time as she discovers the woman she is without my father. My bank account is fairly restored. I sit on my terrace drinking coffee as I watch the rising sun turn the sky and river beautifully pink and purple, thinking about the show opening this week. I never stop feeling gratitude these days for every sweet experience. I’ve dedicated my upcoming performances to the memory of my father who greatly enjoyed me in this role three years ago. My earthly father, this wonderfully smart, dependable and loving man I thought we could not survive without is certainly still with us in spirit. We are, however, not only surviving without him here, we are thriving in the hands of our heavenly Father.

About tracitalks

Actress, writer and therapist who believes in the law of attraction, breaking thought barriers and living your dreams. Into traveling, prayer, and inspiring others. Learn more at www.tracitalks.com
This entry was posted in Faith, God, Grief, Inspiration and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Wrecked by Grief and Restored by God

  1. Chuck Windholtz says:

    Traci, how beautifully phrased. I have passed through a similar time in November of last year, 2014,.
    I lost my wife and was put in hospital 2 weeks later. and almost died myself. But, for good doctors and of course family support, I survived. I’m meant to stay here longer for some reason, hopefully
    I’ll find out what is in store for me..I have heard, ” God works in mysterious ways ”
    Your acting abilities are very well honed. “Fox on the Fairway” was delightful.” Thank you, Chuck

    • tracitalks says:

      Thank you, Chuck, for the kind words as well as sharing your own sorrow. You are definitely here for a reason and I wish you joy in finding it though I know it can be hard following such a big loss. Best of luck in the coming year!

      • Charles Windholtz says:

        Thank you Traci. and have a wonderful NEW YEAR. I’ll keep looking for you in upcoming year.

    • tracitalks says:

      Oh, Chuck! I have been ever busy honing my crafts behind the scenes, but that’s no excuse for not posting. Thank you for the writing prompt for I have had a few ideas swirling in my head. Stay tuned. I do hope your health is well and you have started finding the special things God has reserved for you. If so, I would love to hear about them.

      • I am very pleased to hear from you again, and glad that you have been so busy. I am doing well in the health category, thank you very much! I have met a wonderful Lady who shares the same troubles as I. We do seem to be so much alike and share many things in common. Keep me informed as I would very much enjoy seeing you preform again and looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.
        Till next time, Chuck

  2. Hey Traci, I was perusing through my Favorites List and Noticed you haven’t written anything in the Traci Talks blog since Oct 2015.! Are you having any difficulties that you might need assistance with? I don’t mean to be personal, however, I found you to exude so much confidence and that alone led me to continue on my own journey. Please grab that QWERTY Keyboard with all ten of those talented fingers and give share with us your thoughts and Upcoming Theater Works.
    Chuck Windholtz

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